Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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