it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
