Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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