Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
