laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
