Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
