Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She bit a glass in half.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
