woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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