her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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