Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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