Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
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