Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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