I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
