is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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