I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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