wanna go halves on a baby?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
