last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
