tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
