I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
