the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
