I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
