i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
