i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
