U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
It's not a walk of shame if you run
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
