Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Randomize
