marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
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