I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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