Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
