I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
