youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
