Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
