Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
