I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
