Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize