ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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