I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
