college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
