It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
