My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize