do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
