I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
