Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
