I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
