What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
