Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
