did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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