I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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