My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
