Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize