I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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