You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
