my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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