More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yo dont text me then not text me
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
