I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
