There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
