Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
