not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
