There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
