the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
