making cat noises will not fix the situation.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
