If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Randomize
