life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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