watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
