In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's official drugs can't kill me
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
