u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
