I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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