He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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