is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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