I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
