Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
